Like all great stories, this too started with a question.
“Why are you always so damn unhappy?,” my wife asked.
And, honestly, I didn’t have a response at the time. Of course, this would make me slightly lose my mind. Months and months of wondering why. Why am I unhappy? Why do I seek it? Why am I so good at it?
I began asking myself if perhaps I was a monster. Perhaps my past didn’t make me strong. It made me terrible.
The thing is that I even found comfort in it. Unhappiness. I’ve felt happiness. I know what it is. I’ve lived it. Yet, unhappiness was home.
Shit, I celebrated it. I found an idea years ago that made it ok to be unhappy.
That was my solution. I was good at what I did with life because I was discontent. I was unhappy. My unhappiness made me happy.
And as crazy as I feel writing it, I felt just as crazy saying it over and over again to myself.
Holy shit. I’m seeking unhappiness.
Maybe I am a monster.
But, I don’t want to be one. I want to live for every moment I have. And the people who count on me. Look up to me. The people I’m responsible for.
I ask my children one simple thing—be a good person. Yet, there I was, celebrating not being a good person. A hypocrite selling ideas he didn’t believe in.
Thankfully, the people around me kept me honest. Kept me thinking. Exploring.
They pushed me to focus on who I wanted to be rather than who I had become. Blinded to my own doing. And I couldn’t anymore. I didn’t want to anymore.
That’s my moment of truth. Giving it all away. Taking a step back. Focusing on long-term quality of life, rather than blindly believing in divine discontent and someone else’s dream.
I learned to let go. And I keep learning.
So what’s your moment of truth? What are you reflecting on? Why are you here? Now?
Whatever that is, I’m hopeful you seek it. Not because it’s a new year, but because your mind deserves more. Your loved ones deserve more. You deserve more.
Be blessed. Seek balance. Love.